Saturday, 21 December 2013

Week 51 Update: Learning Something New Can Be Hard To Do.

What was I thinking? Learn something new ... ok, ok, seems reasonable enough. But maybe I should have gone with pottery after all. Or learning French. Building a website - who thought that was a good idea?

My week of 'learning something new' got off to a mindfully-challenged start. Instead of finding myself absorbed in what I was doing, I was threatening to throw my laptop at the wall. I was anxious, frustrated, angry ... in short, I felt utterly incompetent and I didn't like that one bit.

I was surprised by how much this challenge impacted me. I mean, it's a website - hardly earth-shattering, not terriblly important in the grand scheme of things. People build them all the time. I wasn't even building from scratch, so what was the problem?

I learned a bit about myself through the week, though, not all of it very pretty. I learned that I like to be good at what I do (don't we all) and that I have a tendency to be rather harsh on myself when I'm not as good as I think I should be. Then, towards the end of the week I learned this: everything changes, nothing stays the same. Even website building.

For days I struggled, cursed and moaned as I took whatever chunks of time I could to nut my way through this project. I worked hard, lost my work, got angry. Repeat. Then something clicked. I had it! (well, not all of it, but part of it). Suddenly I popped out of the dark, musty cave of a place I was in and into the sunshine where everything seemed much clearer. I had it! I wasn't so silly after all! An old(ish) dog can learn new tricks! Hooray!

Finally, I was absorbing myself in my project in a good way (gone was the urge to hurl the laptop). Mindfulness came in bursts and waves. My website is on the way. I still have little idea of what I'm doing, but I've found the breadcrumbs that lead the way. I'm learning, I'm doing, I'm actually having a bit of fun.

Learning something new can be really hard to do. But it can also be fun and totally worth it. Just be prepared for the dark cave bit at the beginning!

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